The following is a tribute to my beloved dog, Callie. These are my thoughts as I went through the first day without her, following fourteen years of her unconditional love.
You weren't there today.
You weren't there when I awakened in the middle of the night and expected to see or hear you on the floor beside my bed.
You weren't there at the usual time with your front paws on the side of the bed by my head to wake me up and start our morning routine.
You weren't there when I got up, eager to be my constant shadow everywhere I went, inside and out.
You weren't there when I finished my shower, licking the water off my legs and feet while I dried off from the top down.
You weren't there lying on the bathmat as I shaved and brushed my teeth.
You weren't there as I sat at the foot of the bed, putting on my socks, weaving between my legs until I pinned you next to the bed for hugs and kisses.
You weren't there as I went through my stretching routine on the exercise mat, sneaking up to kiss me now that I was at eye level with you.
You weren't there when I went to the kitchen, watching and hoping for a stray scrap or anything wrapped in cheese.
You weren't there when I sat at my desk with my first cup of coffee, bringing me your rubber bone to play tug.
You weren't there lying inches away from my office chair, ignoring the comfy bed I bought for you that was a couple of feet away because you couldn't stand to be separated by more than inches.
You weren't there the multiple times I instinctively looked before backing up my office chair to ensure I didn't roll into you.
You weren't there mid-morning to put your paws up on me to let me know it was time to go out again.
You weren't there to get excited late in the morning in response to me asking, "Do you want to go get the mail?"
You weren't there as I walked down the driveway to get the mail, sniffing around the mailbox to see which other dogs had recently left their mark.
You weren't there to go for our daily walk as we've done every day (weather permitting) for fourteen years.
You weren't there sitting on the couch by me as I ate a meal or snack, keeping a hopeful eye on every bite as it went from the plate to my mouth.
You weren't there to hop in the van's back seat to run a short errand with me.
You weren't there when I went out to mow the yard for me to assure you I'd return as soon as possible.
You weren't there an hour before your usual feeding time in the afternoon to start staring and wearing me down in anticipation.
You weren't there jumping up to follow me every time I went to the bathroom or anywhere else in the house throughout the day.
You weren't there to happily run out the back door when I opened it and chase away all the birds, squirrels, cats, chipmunks, rabbits, groundhogs, and anything else that dared to trespass the perimeter of our fence.
You weren't there in the backyard with the Frisbee in your mouth as you did your business or explored.
You weren't there to catch the Frisbee as you have countless times.
You weren't there at the door waiting for me with your tail wagging when I returned from going somewhere I couldn't take you.
You weren't there on the couch beside me, kissing me and cuddling up to me while I watched TV, eventually stretching out and crashing from exhaustion in the final hours before bed.
You weren't there following me to bed, lying down on your bed on the floor beside me, looking up as I got ready, and waiting until I gave you a final good-night pat and kiss to lay down your head.
You weren't there today.
But . . .
You were there today.
You were there in my thoughts for every one of the above moments.
You were there behind every tear that rolled down my face as the sadness of your loss pierced my heart.
You were there behind every smile that came in loving memory of experiencing the faithful, unconditional love of the best canine companion I've had in my 67 years.
You were there as I looked at your collar and photo ID tag hanging on the desk lamp.
You were there in my prayers of thankfulness to God, who created both of us, as I stand in awe of a Creator who can make humans in His image and other creatures to love and cherish one another.
You were there today, Callie, in my memories, and you always will be. Thank you for loving me and allowing me to love you. My life was better because of you. You were my furry little bundle of well-being. You rescued me as much as I did you.
Thank you, God, for making it all possible.
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